I puked a lego.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
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He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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