i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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