I want to make a zoo with you.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
