I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
