I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
