i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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