The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
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Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
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I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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