matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I CAN MOONWALK!
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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