you guys were way drunker than both of me
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
All I want is dick and wine.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
