Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
