Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We're too hungover to prance.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
