I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
