hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
time to smoke my breakfast
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
