I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
