i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
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We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
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What drink are we having for lunch?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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