i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
