I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
