you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
