When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
