planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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