I must be too annoying 4 u.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
