i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
