I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
