where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
