my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize