1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
