jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
