I want to make a zoo with you.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
