ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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