i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
