Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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