mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
