yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
