I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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