she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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