I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Bring me that man meat
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
