good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You dont lie about slip and slides
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
