all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
