it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
did i walk over a car last night?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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