He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
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we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
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after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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