took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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