He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
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i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
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Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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