I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
