my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
