I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
