genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
There r osticjed everywhere
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
