As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
