I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
