question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
