So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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