I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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