I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Randomize
