The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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