shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
