Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!