Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.