you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
