Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it