the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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