the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
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Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
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Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
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