Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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