haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.