Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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