i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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