smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Houston, we have a squirter
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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