Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
