So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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