Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
