thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Randomize
