we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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