Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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