so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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