you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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