Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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