Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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