instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
