Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
