do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
