Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
