Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
