New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
