Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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