Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
