theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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