Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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