I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
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I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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