so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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